How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
