Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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