i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
