Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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