I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
