He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
