i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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