I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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