plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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