Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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