can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize