he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
