Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
