dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love you. Go after that dick
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
