I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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