i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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