Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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