So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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