i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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