just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
