My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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