come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
