I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
