Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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