I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
