why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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