so that wasnt chicken after all
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
