just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
