when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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