now i know why i became what i already was.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
