whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
