i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
