So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
