I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
