Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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