i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
