So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
