dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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