So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
time to smoke my breakfast
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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