At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
