I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Actions speak louder than pants.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
