its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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