Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he thought i was a dude.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
