Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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