he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
