I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
