So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
