They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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