Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
