It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
