please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He felt like a one man threesome
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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