He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
