I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
