I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
