so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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