i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
