I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Randomize
