Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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