i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
