no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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