I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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