So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I looked at my own cervix.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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