Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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