Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize