I'm jealous of your bromance
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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