Its about making memories worth repressing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize