Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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