i think my tv is drunk
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my shit smells like andre
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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