dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
