Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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