Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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