I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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