I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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