Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
