i would punch a child for taco bell
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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