does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
