I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
