I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
